Terry Pratchett: BBC Radio Drama Collection

Terry Pratchett: BBC Radio Drama Collection is an audiobook containing radio shows of Discworld stories originally written by Terry Pratchett. Voice actors include Martin Jarvis, Sheila Hancock, Anton Lesser, Alex Jennings, Philip Jackson, Mark Heap.

Stats

• Author: Terry Pratchett
• Narrators: Martin Jarvis, Sheila Hancock, Anton Lesser, Alex Jennings, Philip Jackson, Mark Heap
• Length: 13 hrs and 13 mins
• Release date: 2018-11-01
• Language: English
• OCLC: 1084470199

Contents

The audiobook contains 6 Discworld stories and 1 other radio play.

Mort

Audible summary:

Hopeless young peasant Mort is hired as an apprentice to Death. He'll have free board, use of the company horse and being dead isn’t even compulsory. In fact, it's a dream job - until he discovers that it can be killer for his love life....

Wyrd Sisters

Audible summary:

Three witches meet on a blasted heath. A king is cruelly murdered. A child heir and the kingdom’s crown are both missing. But Granny Weatherwax finds that meddling in royal politics is a lot more complicated than certain playwrights would have you believe....

Narrative

01:52:00

Some women provide a blade to someone.

A man murders a king on some stairs.

The witches are threatened and kill a guard in self defense. They come across a crown and baby.

02:21:07: Part 2 starts

The witches give TomJon to a travelling acting troupe. They give TomJon a blessing each.

Lancer soldiers fail to tax a witch.

Magrat calls a meeting a couple months after TomJon was given.

02:50:23: Part 3 starts.

03:19:55: Part 4 starts.

The witches stretch time of all of Lancre to bring an older TomJon to perform a play for the Lancre usurper.

The witches are mistaken for actors playing themselves in the propaganda play the usurper is using to rewrite history. The witches cause the play to tell the truth of how the usurper killed the king.

Th usurper goes mad and throws himself off the battlements.

03:49:22: Part 4 ended.

Guards! Guards!

Audible summary:

In Ankh-Morpork, the Haves and the Have-Nots are about fall out. Again. The Night Watch’s Captain Vimes is used to this but when the Have-Nots find the key to a lethal, dormant weapon that even they don’t understand, he knows it’s time so sober up.

Narrative

03:49:23: Start.

Carrot joins the watch.

A dragon is briefly summoned

04:18:36: Part 2 ends.

Vimes meets Lady Ramkin (Baltakatei: Not Lady Sybil?). They spot the dragon.

Carrot follows the librarian, learns The Summoning of Dragons was stolen from the Unseen University library.

Nobby and Sgt. Colon have drinks incognito and spot the dragon.

The Watch meet at the watch house. Vimes and Colon spot the dragon which flies at them.

04:47:44: Part 3 ends.

Vimes wakes in Lady Ramkin's bedroom with Nobby.

Lady Sybil Ramkin (Baltakatei: Ahah!) gives Vimes a small dragon as a gift. Lady Sybil accompanies Vimes on his investigation to the Shades.

The Elucidated (?) Men complain of being drained when summoning the dragon.

An outsider claiming to be a king arrives and confronts the dragon. The dragon disappears. Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler sells wares. Vimes is dismayed at the gullibility of the city's inhabitants who accepted the king so readily. Vimes plots with the Librarian to find a crime.

The Dragon decides to return on its own, using the mind of the lead summoner.

05:15:22: Part 4 ends.

Vimes investigates the plaza where the Dragon exploded, finding no bits or evidence that it was destroyed. Vimes concludes the dragon traveled someone instead of being disintegrated.

The Librarian visits the library before Thr Summoning of Dragons was stolen, reading the book, then tracking down the summoners by following the thief.

The dragon appears. Vimes and Lady Sybil confront the dragon.

The dragon destroys the warehouse (?) where the lesser summoners were staying, killing them.

Vimes confronts the Supreme Summoner, reporting the destruction of the warehouse, attempting to get evidence from the summoner.

05:43:24: Part 5 ends.

The Dragon reappears.

Vimes parts ways with Lady Sybil.

The Dragon is made king; dines with nobility to request a monthly sacrifice of a virgin.

The Watch, minus Vimes, plans to shoot the dragon in a vulnerable spot.

Vines interrogates Vetenari's aide who is the Supreme Summoner. Vines is imprisoned by the palace guard.

06:11:35: Part 6 ends.

Vimes is in the same cell as Vetenari. Vetenari dines on provisions provided by city rats.

Lady Sybil is captured and chained to a rock as a sacrificial virgin.

Vines escapes with the help of the Librarian.

Colon fires an arrow at the dragon but misses. The Dragon destroys the building Colon, Nobby, and Carrot were standing on; all three survive.

Vimes fails to free Lady Sybil before the Dragon returns. Errol, the dragon Lady Sybil Ramkin gave Vimes, confronts the Dragon, subduing it against million-to-one odds.

The dragon (female) and Errol (male) fly away, presumably now mates.

Lady Sybil Ramkin invites Vimes to a relationship. Vimes accepts.

06:39:07: Last part ends.

Eric

Audible summary:

When precocious young Eric Thursley summons a demon from the loathsome pit to fulfil his every wish, he wants what everyone wants – immortality, to rule the world and have the most beautiful woman love him. Instead he gets Rincewind, the Disc’s most incompetent wizard.

Eric narrative

UU wizaeda summon Death.

Rincewind is summoned by Eric Thursly (?), a 15-year-old teenage demonologist playing with wizard tools, in lieu of a demon of the dungeon dimensions. Eric asks for three wishes: to rule the world, the most beautiful woman, and eternal life.

King of the Demons asks what went wrong with the planned summoning of a demon to Eric.

06:52:57: Part 1 ends.

Rincewind snaps his fingers and unexpectedly teleports himself, Eric, and the parrot to a jungle kingdom that accepts them with food celebration. Rincewind explores nearby and finds an explorer from Quirm who tells him the civilization has been expecting a Ruler of the World to arrive at which time they would give them a feast and then ritually sacrifice said Ruler. Rincewind and company are captured and set to be sacrificed.

Quetzalcoatl is told off by another god for raising a civilization of axe murderers instead of a proper bureaucracy capable of harvesting belief at scale. Quetzalcoatl manifests and tells the jungle civilization a change of plans but is eaten by Rincewind's Luggage.

The demon lord decides to change tactic and play with time instead.

Rincewind snaps his fingers again and they find themselves inside a large wooden horse.

07:06:53: Part 2 ends.

Rincewind and Eric visit not Helen of Troy (the most beautiful woman) and the beginning of the cosmos (so Eric can live forever).

The demon lord accidentally visits the end of time where Death tells him the minor demon named Rincewknd he is looking for is actually a human wizard.

07:20:46: Part 3 ends.

Eric makes a portal to hell from which point they can find a path back to somewhere they are familiar with.

Rincewind and Eric meet a portal keeper but escape by pretending they will talk to uppwr management to complain about the keeper's working conditions.

Various things happen, they run into Ponce de Quirm who has died after not boiling the water from the fountain of youth. The Demon Lord is promoted somehow and Eric and Rincewind escape up the road of good intentions.

07:34:31: Part 4 ends.

Small Gods

Audible summary:

On the Discworld, Gods are as numerous as herring roe, all elbowing for space at the top. In such a competitive environment, you need an acolyte and fast. For the Great God Om, Brutha is the Chosen One, or at least the only One available....

Small Gods narrative

07:34:31: Part 1 starts.

Om speaks to Brutha.

Brutha seeks counsel with Brother Numrod (?) who warns Brutha about voices encouraging masturbation.

Om convinces Brutha who he is.

Vorbis decides to take Brutha to Ephebe because of Brutha's excellent recall ability.

Brutha rescues Om from being cooked.

08:02:17: Part 1 ends.

Brutha and Vorbis travel to Ephebe. Vorbis meets with the King. Om finds Didactylos the philosopher. Brutha finds Om. Om reads about the Small Gods in a scroll from the Library of Ephebe.

Brutha guides Vorbis through the labyrinth. Vorbis slays the desert gate guard and opens the gates to an Omnian army which sacks Ephebe.

08:30:09: Part 2 ends.

Brutha memorizes the important scrolls of the Library.

Brutha, Didactylos, Ern (?), Sgt. Simony (?), and Om escape Ephebe on a steam ship and the Library is burned. The Omnian navy chases them when a lightning storm destroys the steam ship.

Brutha and Om wash up on a desert shore. Brutha finds Vorbis unconscious.

Didactylos, Sgt. Simony, and Ern ride a raft with the wind back to Omnia. Sgt. Simony introduces Didactylos to followers of the Turtle Movement. Simony is frustrated that Didactylos tells facts instead of rousing up the followers against Omnia.

Om fights for control of Brutha against the Small Gods of the desert. Brutha and Om find a ruined temple of a forgotten Great God. Vorbis recovers but remains silent.

Vorbis knocks Brutha unconscious and throws away Om.

08:58:05: Part 3 ends.

Brutha wakes up and finds Vorbis has declared himself Prophet.

Simony and Ern open a gate with hydraulics.

Brutha confronts Vorbis. Vorbis ordered Brutha executed on a bronze tortoise in front of a crowded audience.

Om is picked up by an eagle. Om coerces the Eagle to drop him onto Vorbis.

Brutha warns Vorbis that Om is coming. Brutha warns Vorbis that he will die. Om lands on Vorbis, killing him. Om gains belief from the onlookers.

Brutha convinces Om to change the commandments to include ethics.

Other nations invade in retaliation of Omnia's invasion of Ephebe. Brutha convicnes Om to help. Om strongarms the gods of cori celesti (?) to publicly command the armies to value life. The armies do not sack Omnia.

Brutha writes out the library and leads Omnia for 100 years.

Brutha accompanies Vorbis through the desert after death.

09:26:07: Part 4 ends.

Night Watch

Audible summary:

Living in the past is hard. Dying in the past is incredibly easy, especially when there is a serial killer on the loose who targets coppers. Commander Sam Vimes of the City Watch is back in his own rough, tough past and he has a job to do.

Night Watch narrative

Vines, a Duke finds a student assassin in his cesspool. Vimes's wife is in labor. Vimes, while meeting with Vetinari is informed that the watchman killer Carser has been found.

Sam Vimes falls into the UU library during a magical thunderstorm while chasing Carser.

Vines wakes up and finds himself in the past. He attempts to enter UU but is arrested by the Watch after nearly successfully escaping arrest were it not for his past self undoing the Mexican standoff. He finds Carser also in jail.

Vimes attempts to use the name John Keel, his mentor but finds Keel died, murdered by Carser.

The Sweeper tells Vimes about the paradox and asks Vimes to teach his past self in Keel's place.

09:54:10: Part 1 ends.

The Watch officers except the oldest try to frame Vines with stealing the oldest's silver something. Vimes already saw the plot and hid the stolen silver thing in the eldest's vault.

Vimes advises young Sam regarding how to navigate politics and to fight criminals.

Vines and young Sam are ambushed by 8 Cable Street Particulars. Carser is one of them.

10:22:22: Part 2 ends.

Vines deescalates a mob attacking the treacle street (?) watch house. Several cable street Particulars are found injured or dead around the watch house, presumably there to instigate a riot or to assassinate Vimes.

Vetinary speaks with a lady who ordered him to protect Vimes.

Vimes is summoned by an Ubervald (?) woman of power who attempts to recruit him to help the revolution. The woman senses Vimes is supernatural but cannot identify exactly what he is. Vimes declines the offer, stating he wishes simply to go home.

Vines teaches watch officers basics of hand to hand combat. Vimes asks for volunteers to be on duty for the revolution he knows is coming. Vimes is upset that many constables will soon die.

Vimes reteats to the History Monks’ Ankh-Morpork HQ. A monk offers him a metaphorical buoy: his cigar case engraved with an old message from Lady Sybil.

(?) Vimes frees prisoners of Cable Street with Young Sam.

Vimes returns to find the oldest officer, Captain Tilde (?) is replaced with a snobbish Captain Rust who reprimands Vimes for inconsequential minutiae, and commands Vimes to stop being so creative when the watch's role is simply to do as they're told. Vimes is told he'd been offered a promotion to be a Cable Street officer but Vimes declines, stating he doesn't like having more than one fork around his dinner plate; Rust agrees Vimes is not officer material.

10:50:20: Part 3 ends.

Rust has the watch constables confront a nearby revolutionary barricade. Rust orders cross ones to be fired at the unarmed revolutionaries.

Vimes knocks out Rust and has him locked up for insanity. Vines confronts the barricade and asks them to disassemble it so that it may be reassembled to include the watch house. The revolutionaries (and locals who simply want to secure their street from the mess the mad patrician had made in inciting the revolution) agree and make Vimes their leader. Rej (?) Shoe proudly announces he is a revolutionary. A passing military cavalry almost attacks the barricade but the defenders sing the Ankh-Morpork city anthem which convinces the mounted troopers to move on.

Vimes discovers Colon has made Nobby an officer of the watch; Vimes uses Nobby to collect intel throughout the city. Colon has allowed the barricade to expand to a quarter of Ankh-Morpork, letting in locals even if they are soldiers.

Nobby is captured and interrogated by the military troopers and Carcer. Nobby tells the troopers about the Treacle Mine Road barricade.

Carcer recommends to the military troopers to perform a frontal assault on Treacle Street.

11:18:02: Part 4 ends.

Vimes disrupts a barricade destroying team of domesticated ruminants (oxen?) by inserting ginger into them.

A cake is presented to the patrician. Despite sword stabs into the cake and a test for poison, the patrician is assassinated. Snapcase becomes Patrician. Snapcase orders the Ubervald (?) Lady have Keel assassinated because Keel was too successful at organizing a resistance to the old patrician. The lady pleads for the assassin Vetinari to warn and protect Keel.

A battle takes place. Several of the watch die.

A truce is called and the military troopers notify Vimes that the mad patrician is dead.

Carser leads a sneak attack on Vimes and crew. Carser and the Particulars fails because of an unspoken warning from a sweeper monk and a warning by Nobby, but several more die. Vimes is taken out of time once more by a monk who tells him the body of dead Keel will be substituted for Vimes the moment Vimes grabs ahold of Carser so both may be taken back to the future. Vimes leads a direct attack at Carser and the Particulars.

Vimes wakes up in the future. He obtains a help from a doctor to assist the birth of his child.

Vimes visits the grave of Keel and Rej Shoe and talks to Rej, now a zombie.

Carser attacks Vimes. Vimes arrests Carser. Vetinari reveals himself. Vetinari tells Vimes he has figured out who Keel really was and wants to reward Vimes. Vimes reluctantly accepts a rebuilding of the Treacle Mine Road Watch house. Vetinari promises that Carser will be given a fair trial.

11:46:00: Part 5 ends.

Only You Can Save Mankind

Audible summary of a dramatization of Only You Can Save mankind, an entry in the Johnny Maxwell series:

As an alien fleet crosses his computer screen, Johnny prepares to blow the ScreeWee into a million pieces....

Johnny heard a computer game alien talk.

The aliens surrender.

12:15:00: Part 1 ends.

Johnny helps defend the alien fleet.

Johnny brings a breakfast cereal and burgers to feed the fleeing fleet.

An ace girl Johnny's school friends know begins destroying the fleet. Johnny is killed in action and wakes up.

11:44:00: Part 2 ends.

See also

• Wikipedia:Terry Pratchett: BBC Radio Drama Collection

External links

• bk4, reboil.com